Warner: They seem smaller this year.
Haglund: Who? What?
Warner: The Bolle Slurpees – they’re smaller this year – less mint, more fizzy.
Haglund: Well, you know, he’s a year older and not as much of a novelty anymore. He went on ABT‘s disabled list, but then flew right back to Italy to perform in Mats Ek’s weirdo Giselle. That’s gonna piss off a few people.
Warner: No kidding. If he’s too injured to dance his ABT commitments, he shouldn’t dance anywhere. It’s pissin’ me off. Why doesn’t the guy get his ankle fixed – probably because he’ll lose too much money during rehab. It stinks. These drinks are awful. Really watered down.
Haglund: Bolle’s got to economize like the rest of us. You know, “do more with less.”
Warner: Who’s Les?
Haglund: ROFL, literally, Man. What do ya suppose that Jared Matthews drinks? Probably some type of wheat grass juice with crushed vitamins —
Bartender: Did I hear you say you want a Jared Matthews?
Warner: Yeah. Two shots of Jared Matthews – right here.
Bartender: That’ll be $50.
Warner: Come ooon. Gimme a break!
Bartender: Sorry. Premium priced. This year’s gonna be his year.
Warner: Where’s UC31?
Haglund: Working.
Warner: I thought you said he was gonna be here tonight.
Haglund: He’s working on a Buy & Bust Op in the Parterre.
Warner: Who’s the perp?
Haglund: I dunno – some blond lady.
Warner: Aren’t they all blond in Parterre? Kind of a challenge to find one who isn’t.
Haglund: Look, UC31 said he’d meet us here at the bar if he could —
UC31: — Right here behind ya, Man.
Haglund: Didn’t see you, Man – what’s with those dorky glasses and funny hair? You look like – you look like —
UC31: Garrison Keillor.
Haglund: No kidding! You do!
UC31: Thanks, Man. I spent hours in the Precinct Make-Up chair for this assignment.
Warner: Did you get the perp yet?
UC31: Not yet. Can’t find her. Too many blonds in Parterre. Gotta leave tomorrow for Italy on a new assignment – something to do with Bolle dancing completely nude while he’s injured.
Warner: Be careful out there.
UC31: Thanks, Man. The stakes are high – they tell me. But I'll have to see it for myself.